


as the grief holds on

by Feenie



Series: we'll make heaven a place on earth/mira/new jerusalem [1]
Category: Xenoblade Chronicles X
Genre: Angst, Dreams and Nightmares, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-08 05:44:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21230750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feenie/pseuds/Feenie
Summary: today, today is one of those daysstuck between yesterday and tomorrow(angst fic with spoilers from chapter 12!)





	as the grief holds on

**Author's Note:**

> honestly I just had the urge to write some angst and this came out! and i'm gonna throw this in as like. the sort-of prequel chapter of my big fluff+domestic+redemption arc+everyone comes back to life au for the xeno series because i can
> 
> cross/avatar/rook/WHATEVER YOU WANNA CALL 'EM's name is Soleil, she/her/hers pronouns, hella bi and ready to fry (ganglion)

When Soleil saw Lao’s spear pierce Luxaar, she couldn’t be happier. Lao was here, Lao was saving them, he truly did care…!

It was when the Vita broke the ground below them, falling into the protoplasm that her smile broke.

“ _ LAO!! _ ” she and Lin shouted, bolting toward where he had fallen in. When Lao spoke about the Exodus, she didn’t stop running, heart caught in her throat.  _ I’m coming, Lao, I’ll save you, I’LL SAVE YOU-- _

Doug and Elma stopped her before she could dive into the protoplasm. “Sol, don’t, something’s wrong!” Doug shouted.

“Let me  _ go! _ Lao’s in there, we need to save him!” Soleil yelled, struggling against the two. “We can’t leave him to die!”

“No, Soleil, it’s…” Elma started before Lao’s chimeric form rose from the sea of yellow below them. Soleil’s struggles ceased as she looked at the transformed Lao in front of her--the eye, the wings, the head roaring on his shoulder…

Lin stood in front of him, and Soleil joined her side. “You can’t! We have to save him!”

“Lin, Soleil, we can’t let him destroy the Lifehold! I will shoot this time--and I mean it,” Elma warned, her guns trained on the two.

“We can’t kill him!” Soleil argued. “There has to be something we can do, someone amongst the Orphe, or the Wrothians, or the Ma-non, we--we can’t do this to him!”

“Lin, Soleil...there’s nothing you can do,” Lao said, and Soleil turned to him with teary eyes. “Kill me now...while I can still restrain this body...while I still have some of my will…!”

“Lao, please…!!” Soleil whimpered.

“Don’t let me...Don’t let me be the reason humanity falls!” Lao begged, the heads on his body roaring.

She really had no choice, didn’t she? Soleil could only run back to her Skell, Elma and the others following suit with their Skells. “Lao...I’m sorry!”

The battle was tough, and Soleil should have given it her all, for humanity’s sake, but she felt...numb. Hollow, almost, like she was watching herself fight instead of her actually being there. Her body moved on its own, her teammates’ voices were nothing but gibberish to her ears, she just--

Soleil didn’t want Lao dead. She knew he had to make amends for everything he had done, but this was…

She blinked. When did she leave her cockpit? When did she bury her spear into Lao’s grossly mutated form?

When did she start crying?

Lao’s body reverted to normal before her eyes, and he reached up to rest a hand on Soleil’s head. “...you did a good job, Sol.”

“Lao, don’t leave me,  _ please, _ ” Soleil begged. “You--You’re my mentor, you haven’t finished teaching me…”

Lao chuckled weakly. “I think I’ve taught you all that I could, kiddo. You’ll be okay without me.”

The spear wasn’t lodged in that deep, if she hurried back to NLA, if she could heal him, if she could just  _ do anything to save his life-- _

His body started dissipating, and Soleil clung tighter to him. “No, Lao, don’t--!!”

Soleil awoke with a gasp, and she was back in her bed in NLA. The barracks were dark, save for the emergency lights meant to stay on, and she could hear faint snoring around her. She raised a hand to her head, staring up at the ceiling.

How long had it been now since the Lifehold mission? A year now? And she was still having nightmares about the damn fight.

Soleil turned onto her side to see Elma fast asleep, and her heart twisted. She couldn’t really tell anyone about this, especially not to Elma, and yet she wanted so bad just to tell someone,  _ anyone _ , that she was having nightmares, that she was still grieving over Lao, that she didn’t want to hear anymore about how she had saved NLA by killing the traitor…

Alone in the barracks, Soleil quietly sobbed into her pillow.


End file.
